


Five Ways Someone Tried and Failed to Seduce Film Brain

by KeevaCaereni



Category: That Guy with the Glasses
Genre: Asexuality, Dirty Talk, Dubious Consent, F/M, Handcuffs, Humor, M/M, Seduction, Sex Pollen, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 15:22:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeevaCaereni/pseuds/KeevaCaereni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the kinkmeme for this prompt:<br/>In his Fat Slags review, Film Brain says "That's it, I'm asexual". The other reviewers simply can't let that be, so cue several people on the site (mostly guys) trying to seduce him in increasingly sexy and comic ways (sweetly, flirty, with toys, with food, threeways, and so on).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Ways Someone Tried and Failed to Seduce Film Brain

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Пять раз, когда кто-то безуспешно пытался соблазнить Филм Брейна](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2429282) by [Rainy_Elliot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Elliot/pseuds/Rainy_Elliot)



Film Brain opened the door to a large bunch of flowers, held by Benzaie. After putting them in water and insisting Film Brain put on a shirt, Benzaie had whisked him away to a rather fancy restaurant nearby. The waiters had brought out his favourite meal without him even asking and Benzaie had been witty and charming all night. Film Brain was having a lovely time, at least until he played the last thing Benzaie had said back in his head.

“Wait, what?”

Benzaie smiled. “I was wondering if you wanted to come back to my hotel room. I have some wine, we can listen to some music and enjoy ourselves.”

Film Brain knew that look. But he’d had a nice night, and Benzaie had behaved himself, so he was gentle. If he’d known then that that was only the beginning, he would probably have made himself much clearer.

 

* * *

 

Cinema Snob cornered him after a meeting, dragging him into his room and shoving him up against the closed door. He leant in against him, breath hot on Film Brain’s neck as Snob detailed exactly what he wanted to do to him. In one hand he was caressing a dildo, while the other hand was worryingly close to Film Brain’s waistband.

“Think about it, me stretching you open with my fingers, then fucking you slowly with this and whispering all the things I’d like to do to you, until you’re begging for me to let you come.”

“No thanks.”

Snob blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I’m very flattered, but no thank you. I’m not interested,” Film Brain explained. The voice was nice, but the rest of the offer was decidedly not appealing. “I’d also appreciate it if you never mention fucking me with a dildo again.”

“I… suppose I can do that,” Snob said, still looking surprised.

“Cheers,” said Film Brain. “Want me to show you out?”

 

* * *

 

Film Brain groaned as he woke up, then groaned again when he realised that he was in Insano’s lab. He’d heard about some of the experiments Insano got up to. The fact that he was tied to a chair did nothing to reassure him. Nor did the maniacal laughter from behind him.

“Marvellous.”

“Wondering why you’re here, are you? Well, congrats, you’re my latest human guinea pig!”

Insano’s voice was hurting his head. “And what exactly are you testing today?”

Insano grinned. “As it happens, I’m testing my new sex serum! It enhances the libido of anyone injected with it, leaving them helpless to resist their lust! It should start working any second.”

Film Brain stared at him, before settling back into his restraints to wait. Insano watched him impatiently for a few minutes, before wandering off to do something else.

Half an hour later, Insano came storming back.

“Why aren’t you writhing in lust? The serum should have worked by now!”

Film Brain sighed wearily. “You can’t enhance what isn’t there. Now are you going to let me out of these ropes?”

“What?!”

“I’m asexual. It won’t work on me.” Film Brain gestured as best as he could with the ropes. “As you can see. Now will you let me go?”

Insano untied him with a distinctly embarrassed air, he was pleased to note.

 

* * *

Critic and Chick backed him into the corner, smirking at him, when he went over to discuss his latest videos. Chick pulled out a pair of handcuffs as Critic dropped to his knees and pinned his hips to the wall.

“Don’t I get a safeword if you’re cuffing me?” Film Brain said, rolling his eyes.

Critic grinned. “How about ‘symbolism’?”

Rolling his eyes this hard was beginning to hurt. “Fine. I call symbolism.”

Chick dropped her arms, frowning, while Critic got off his knees.

“What, you mean handcuffs aren’t your thing?”

“What I mean is sex isn’t my thing. You two are going to have to get your jollies somewhere else,” Film Brain huffed, before storming out.

 

* * *

 

“I am not opening this door until you’ve pissed off!”

Spoony frowned at the locked door. “What? Why?”

In the house, Film Brain was barricading the entry. He paused to yell, “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to! I know what you did to Critic and Chick and everyone!” Doorway blocked, he ran upstairs.

“Dude, it’s just a beer! I was thinking we could hang out!” Spoony yelled from outside. Then he had to duck as a heavy book almost hit him on the head. The ensuing barrage of things thrown from the window by Film Brain, including a bin and a boxful of crappy DVDs ensured that Spoony had second thoughts about pulling the old Rohypnol trick on Film Brain.


End file.
